Onana is De Gea 2.0 under 'clueless' Ten Hag as Arsenal commit 'fraud' with Havertz signing...

Stewie Griffin is back with some harsh Arsenal realities and there is plenty on Manchester United after another shaky win at Old Trafford.

Send your views in to [email protected]…

Embarrassing ArsenalI’d like someone, anyone, to please make sense of the absolute lunacy taking place at Arsenal FC?

Arsenal very obviously need a top striker. They are not clinical, Jesus is the furthest thing from an elite striker and the team misses sitters, regularly. Still not addressed, still watching profligate “strikers” miss sitters.

What the hell was that Kai Havertz transfer about? It seriously needs to be investigated by the Serious Fraud Office because I can only presume Arsenal want to help Chelski recoup cash for their obvious FFP breaches. Havertz isn’t a striker, isn’t crafty or energetic enough to play in midfield, and slows down counterattacks. His passing is shocking. He’s quite clearly made Arsenal worse. I said he would, all Chelski fans were delighted to get rid and you have to ask yourself if that £65m and those wages would have been much better spent on eg Maddison, or better still, a quality finisher?

I’ll repeat: Chelski will NEVER sell Arsenal a quality player. Only Wenger’s Arsenal stacked rivals with their best players (Cole, RVP, Nasri etc). This isn’t revisionism: most with brains queried that Havertz fee, when an actual position specialist was available for a lower transfer fee, and lower wages. Unless Arsenal fans wanna reboot their old chestnut of “we cannot compete”. It’s an irresponsible waste of the club’s finances, yet Arsenal fans will be the first to bitch about “oil money” when they’re spunking huge money up the wall for a traffic cone.

I don’t ever want to hear another Arsenal fan bitch about “money” when their club pisses money up the wall on players it scouts poorly (Pepe, Havertz). Havertz just rocked up and literally needs dropping altogether. Pepe version 2.0.

Arsenal fans are out of excuses. It was said before a ball was kicked, no excuses this season. Spent more money than any other team in Europe, again, (outside the South West London lunatics). Record signing in midfield, settled team. What on Earth is Arteta doing? Arsenal have conceded in the opening minute of PL games THREE TIMES in the past year! That sort of thing should be happening twice in a managerial career – let alone three times in one year! It’s abysmal planning and preparation and, much as I rate him, Ramsdale is also part of that problem.

Worse still, it should be five times as both Bournemouth and Leeds missed clear sitters in the opening 60 seconds at Emirates last season. Pathetic.

What is the logic in letting Tierney go, when Zinchenko very clearly cannot defend to save his life? Remember getting nutmegged on his own byline by the opposing FB, Trent at Anfield? Damn. Sure, nice tippy-tappy possession stuff Zinny.

Arteta needs to understand though, that he isn’t Pep, never will be that level. Pep is in a league of his own. And yet even Pep understood the need for proper defenders, so he got rid of Zinchenko and upgraded with the likes of Akanji and Ake – proper no-nonsense defenders. Pep also understood that this “Fake Striker” bollocks was never getting Citeh to the pinnacle, so he got rid of his injury-probe, balsa wood, misfiring Fake Brazilian striker (someone was actually stupid enough to pay over £50m for him!), and upgraded with a proper lethal number 9.

Meanwhile, Arteta seems to think he’s so clever he can persist with a Fake Striker. Flanked by two wide forwards. Riiight. Meanwhile, he’s taken Partey – a midfielder – and unfathomably, stuck him at right back. It’s ludicrous. I can understand eg Pep being so bored of beating everyone that he tries kamikaze risky formations – he’s won the Lot. What has Arteta won though to be taking the piss like this?! He’s taken a team that was perfectly balanced last season, completely messed up the midfield by shoehorning Germany’s finest Carthorse, and putting a defensive mid in Partey, who should be on notice (given his diabolical second half of last season) at full back. Whilst sending his actual best defensive FB, out on loan! Christ.

Did I mention that Rob Holding, who cost Arsenal CL football two seasons ago, and chucked the title by getting rag-dolled by Haaland, is STILL at the club?! That’s right. One injury away from that clown chucking more points.

It’s genuinely impressive that with all the money he’s been given, Arteta has conspired to make Arsenal a worse team, who play slower, and have less identity. Win or not, ArsenaL do NOT look like a PL contender.

It’s also hilarious that Postecoglou’s Spurs – having lost their captain and best player no less – play far superior football right now (it’s early tbf). He’s had about eight weeks to prep Spurs and been overshadowed by Kane saga. Spurs should never, ever be looking a better footballing team! Arsenal will certainly finish ahead of Spurs (no achievement) but Christ almighty.

Of course though, Arsenal’s legion of deluded excuse-makers will be out in force “a win is a win” and I look forward to new and creative methods of bullshit excuses that would make Giuliani and Trump giggle! Perhaps this is a cost of living crisis issue, or the OFGEM price cap, or perhaps it’s the Taylor Swift concert? At this point Arsenal fans should let Sunak’s clueless Tory Brexit planks run their PR because that’s the only place you’ll find excuses more outlandish than the garbage Arsenal fans come up with to excuse failure.

I repeat: Arsenal look much worse than last season, static in midfield, profligate in attack and they are making the exact same mistakes at the back. Just because you scraped 10-man Fulham at home, it doesn’t invalidate the validity of it.Stewie Griffin (these excuses is how the club ended up backing a Specialist in Failure who shamed the club’s reputation for a good decade)

Erik doesn’t know what he’s doingDoes anyone think that Erik Ten Hag even knows what he’s doing? My point here is that he has signed a massively confident and in some respects arrogant goalkeeper in Onana and in 3 games has turned him into the 2nd coming of David De Gea. I’m lucky enough to live in outside the UK so I get to watch the 3pm Games, something I doubt Ian Watson at 365 does but more on that later.

I watched the game and from the moment Forest broke from a our corner, Onana was stuck to his line. The keeper he was would have swept that through ball up and I was confused as to why he was in his box when we took the corner. A similar incident happened in the first minute of the second half, Onana stuck to his line when he could have easily gathered that in his area and 2 weeks ago he would have.

So I ask, what the heck is Ten Hag doing? What is he telling his keeper? We all know that De Gea was almost tied to his line for his entire Utd tenure and the reason behind the ludicrous money spent on Onana was to rectify this. However, judging by his performance against Forest, it was like watching De Gea 2.0.

This can only be down to Ten Hags instructions and I simply don’t get it. All game he was a shadow of the keeper we have seen, so does Ten Hag have a clue what he is doing? Buy a ball playing keeper and tell him to forget all that and become a statue between the sticks? Because that is what it looks like. Onana is 3 times the keeper De Gea is but on todays showing, it was like he was still there.

Ian Watson at 365 seems to have a love affair with Bruno, did he even watch the game? Bruno was woeful. It’s embarrassing judging a players performance simply on a couple of moments. You can forgive a striker giving the ball away if he scores 2 or 3 but Bruno plays a pivotal role in the team and with his lapse, slack passing and his week/non existent tackling puts the entire team under pressure.

I have no idea what game Ian was watching. If that is the sign of a quality leader with a great attitude and a guy Utd are going to have to rely on to drag them through tough games then we really are in deeper trouble than I thought we were. It was Forest, if that was City 2 up after 4 minutes it would have 10 and Bruno would be asking to come off. Stop kidding yourself if you think otherwise.

Still have no idea what Antony brings to the side and still no idea what Martial even does, Rashford again was awful. Yes he assisted our first but apart he did absolutely nothing else apart from fall over…. a lot.

If you watched the game with open eyes you’ll see that we played Forest, at home, a Forest side that will be on the end of a few spankings this season and will probably go down or be very close. We were dreadful and now, after all these years of being dreadful and giving manager after manager a boat load of money, how can we still be dreadful? Simple, we always want to appease the fan base instead of doing what is right.

In general, us fans get all excited when we sign a new player and time after time a great player, almost over night, turns to a dire mess. That has to be down to the Manager and coaching, formation and tactics. Great and even good managers will pinpoint a player who will slot straight into the side, yet for us, 9/10 signings are pointless and end up being worthless because they are a good player but for the wrong team/tactics/formation/league or style.

And what really is the point of VAR? Many have said it when it goes against them but I like to be honest. Not a red card, You’ll see that he tripped before the contact with Bruno (who fell over dramatically as per) plus he was not the last man. The penalty was so soft, Rashford bought it. The guy goes to put his leg out and Rashford sees this so moves towards him, but he then doesn’t put his leg out and Rashford basically runs into him and cue the dramatic fall, it’s just not a penalty.

When we went 3-2 up against 10 men, we reverted back to defending the lead, against 10 men with all 11 behind the ball, against Forest!! Whenever we did get to break it was a disaster class in attacking with nobody knowing what to do.

Erik Ten Hag, yeah, what a football genius. Just read what he said after the game, it’s all cliches and nonsense. Apparently there is a plan and rules and Bruno played a very good game of the highest level. We’re f**ked lads.Hugo

United defensive woes, Arsenal lack of firepower & Spurs for title challenge?Having gone to the United vs Forest game yesterday (The first 5 minutes of the game were certainly worrying), It was a relief to see the team win and grab all 3 points, but boy did they do it the hard way. As a live game, it had everything though, 5 goals over 100 minutes, a shocking goal in the 2nd minute, a red card and end-to-end action towards the end of the game.

However, as a United fan, and plenty of United fans will know where I am going with this, it is increasingly worrying how United are defending at the minute, its absolute carnage at times. Varane going off again, certainly wasn’t good news. It seems like a fully fit Varane may be a thing of the past. He could play 30 games in the season, but maybe that is the maximum given his overall playing time at United, such a shame given he does bring an element of calmness and experience there.

Lindelof when coming on though, was impressive and he is probably United’s best defender when coming out from the back and has a good pass on him too. Brutal in saying this, but if Lindelof or Varane aren’t starting in that defence, United are not physically equipped to deal with some strikers in the league.

I think if Maguire & Martinez start together in defence, its a recipe for disaster. I think Maguire has been the complete scapegoat for United in the last few years and just needs to move for his own self-esteem and confidence, whereas Martinez (As good as he was last year), has started the season like a headless chicken. His defending yesterday was appalling at times, and Dalot & Casemiro got him out of jail a few times. Great passer of the ball, but seemed to be playing in slow motion yesterday, I think if Varane is fit next game, start Lindelof & Varane together.

Great win overall for the team and good to see that spirit is there, half of the players on the pitch played very well, particularly the midfield and fullbacks, the midfield scored all of our goals too. I think United need to start those three in midfield whenever they are all fit and available, as their record together in the league is excellent. Mount will obviously play there as well at times, but he could play on the wings potentially as well.

Having seen the Arsenal highlights yesterday against Fulham, I am surprised to have seen that 2-1 lead slip. I think Rice has instantly improved the team, Havertz on the other hand needs to just look more lively, looks like he just got out of bed when he plays. Arsenal do have a lack of firepower upfront though, similarly to United. Gabriel Jesus doesn’t seem to be the player Arteta can rely on, however I think Saka & Martinelli are devastatingly dangerous, and when United play them next week, they have to defend properly against these two especially.

Nketiah is actually better than people rate him at, but he’s like the perfect cover striker, he can’t be relied on to win the biggest games. I think if Arsenal had a striker like Kane, even someone like Wilson or Isak, they would potentially win the league.

Big game for United against them next weekend though, I think United should be happy with a draw given the performances so far this season, but our wingers will need to step up and play as they did against Forest.

Also, call me crazy and its a long shot call here, but could Spurs challenge for the title this year? I think if they can sign a 10-15 goal a year striker that isn’t Richarlson (Honestly he should just go back to Everton on loan, he was half decent there) they could actually put up a title challenge. Son has bags of experience, Maddison too and he is looking like he’s played there for years. The defence actually looks decent again, and they aren’t in Europe this season too.

It would actually be a mental story if they won the league when Kane having just left, didn’t win it with Bayern. I think he should retire if that happened! I think City will win the league again this year in all seriousness, but someone else needs to win it now, they are proving not to have a weakness and defensively, they are also looking perfectly drilled no mater who plays.Anon

Havertz darkness my old friendThe Havertz dialogue continues. I do find it odd that Arsenal fans and alot of the tabloid media apparantly didn’t seem to register that hes been playing like this for the last 3 years.

He’s not some new player to the league (91 Prem apps for Chelsea, 19 goals, 7 assists) but you’d think hed appeared out of thin air the way some people have been surprised at his performances so far.

The defence for him at Chelsea was that he was played out of position. He played as a 9, a winger and a support striker and didn’t fit any of those. Hes now in a midfield 3 (hilarious). So what is his best position really? Perhaps, just maybe, he’s very average in all positions you play him in. I certainly dont see how he improves the Arsenal 11.

It might have been better for him to go to Bayern or Madrid, leagues which allow the attacker a bit more time on the ball. But you pay that much for a player I guess you gotta play them somewhere even if it makes absolutley no sense.Will (Arteta trying to win the league on hard mode)

An intervention, pleaseAnyone else think Arteta might need an intervention?

I asked in the pre-season if the humiliation Arteta felt letting the title slip through his fingers led him to buy Havertz? Reflexively he thought rehabilitating the German Unicorn would establish himself as really ‘elite level’. Not the best laid plan but if you suspect he’d blown a mental gasket, plausible.

I am not saying it’s ‘white coats’ time, but, the whack team selections and playing so many out of position? It’s just self-mutilation at this point. Perhaps family and friends should sit him down and explain ‘Mikel, this really has to stop. Havertz is a busy but unproductive lad, Thomas Partey is not Kyle Walker…and we’re not sure what looks nuttier, your tactics or the away kit’.

Please, some tough love.Dom

Conspiracy?I’m currently watching Man Utd vs Forest and I cannot believe what I am seeing, or in some cases, not seeing. I have always scoffed at the idea of bias in favour of Utd or there is some kind of conspiracy from the league but I’m really starting to question this.

Forest just had a defender sent off, for which we were treated to plenty of replays. We can argue all day if it was a red card offence but Bruno Fernandes set up a goal which looked close to offside, and he made an interesting challenge in the box which left a Forest player on the ground. In both cases there was no analysis, no slow-mo, no VAR lines. Maybe they are legitimate and it’s nothing but it’s so strange in this day and age of VAR and instant replays and all the analysis that there was diddly squat.

Right off the back of the Wolves game who were denied a clear penalty, I’m actually starting to believe that all the claims of favoritism towards Utd may be true. Something stinks about some of these recent decisions…..

In the course of writing this email, Rashford has just been awarded a penalty which was a clear dive. What the feck is the point of VAR?Simon in Canada

Comeback win for United but still worrying signsConceding from our own corner is one thing, but conceding from a set piece over a minute later all in under 5 minutes shows that United have not started this season correctly at all. It’s absolutely disgraceful from the United squad for how they’ve started this season. It looks like they’re in training. none of them look fit to play or good enough on their current form.

Ten Hag does have to answer on why they do not look ready to play but also he’s working with the same squad that has been here for years and disappointed us many times with the additions of Casemiro, Antony, Varane, Mount, Onana, Martinez and Hojilund and 2 of them are injured.

Onana is being left high and dry as he can’t show off his passing as no one is open and ready and the defending has been so poor that there’s only so much he can do to stop them. Luckily it seems conceding two goals in the first 5 minutes seemed to wake United up as for the next 10 minutes it was all United and it ended in a goal for United with a good run from the left for Rashford and a pass into the box with Eriksen there to tap it in.

As most fans of United and just general football fans can see Rashford is far more dangerous off the left than he is down the middle. Not much else for the half besides United still looking very weak in the midfield. I understand that Casemiro is not looking as good as last season but he’s not getting any support in the midfield. He is constantly the only one staying back and will have to deal with the mistakes of the two attacking midfielders.

We already know Casemiro starts slow into a season and is not as mobile as he once was but the fact that it feels like we try to play a way that will make it easier for our opponents is really disappointing. Until we get in a proper number 8 for that midfield it’s going to continue looking like this which I can’t imagine another game of it let alone an entire season.

The second half started well for United with a well-worked set-piece goal. Bruno with a ball to Rashford on the edge of the box who then dinks it into the box where Bruno follows his run and lays it off to Casemiro to tap it in. Probably one of the nicest things we have done from a set piece in ages.

Forest seemed to drop after scoring twice early as they just never were comfortable once the game became more competitive. Forest’s captain got sent off which really opened the game up as now they were down to 10 men. Rashford won a penalty which Bruno converted.

Once the comeback was completed, United kept it tight and were able to keep the lead until the end. On a positive note its nice to see the team show a bit of fight to come back from being two-nil down within 5 minutes but still not a performance to be proud of.

Overall, A win is the most important part of today but this game continued to show the poor start to the season so far from United. Even when we win it feels like we are losing. Most of the players don’t look fit. Varane had to come off at the half which is a shame as he was one of the few bright sparks.

We desperately need more in the midfield and hopefully, Hojilund can play against Arsenal as we need someone up top who can do the things a striker needs to do.

The next game is Arsenal which I do not feel confident for at all with this current squad but you never know we might get some proper signings in and actually look like a proper team but until then at least we got the win this week.Max Of Whitegate.

Brighton not all that…or are they?I think the last 18 months Brighton have been sensational. Great recruitment, positive, attacking play.

But… going into this weekend every media outlet was praising them for doing well despite losing all of their players…. Then…. One bad result later, “ ah, it’s not their fault, look at what they’ve lost”

Which is it ?

The world gets more complicated every day.

On another note. Spurs are title contenders lolAde (Guildford) 20 is coming

Time wastingAfter Tomiyasu’s yellow card for time wasting on Monday, at Old Trafford this afternoon Andre Onana was booked for the same offence. There have been plenty of yellows for time wasting already this season, so why focus on these two?

Well, in both cases, an individual was punished for what’s surely a team crime. Tomiyasu was left holding the baby (for eight seconds) after a load of general faffing, while Onana was booked for the crime of…Lindelof pretending not to notice a second ball on the pitch.

It got me thinking, maybe a better punishment for acts of time wasting would just be to give the ball to the opposition. So if someone dallies over a throw, give the throw to the other team. In Onana’s case, give Forest a corner. It seems fairer somehow than punishing one player for what’s often a collective offence?George, Salford (relieved to be writing hypothetical wiffle, rather than bemoaning a limp United defeat)

Saudi transfersHave the transfers of players to Saudi been a difference? Putting the major transfers into categories of: concerned, makes sense, and who else would/could have(purchased/paid for them), it can look like this:

Who else would/could have: Neymar, Mane, Nevez, Malcolm, Fabinho, Otavio, Telles, Jota.

Makes sense: Benzema, Kante, Koulibaly, Firmino, Henderson, Mahrez, Bounou, Mendy.

Concerned: Brozovic, Milenkovic-Savic, Fofana, Saint Maximin, Kessie, Mitrovic, Veiga, Ibanez, Laporte.

The first category are players who nobody was going to offer what they did, whether that’s fees, wages or both. Nevez is a great player, but not enough for United, Barca and more to make a bid. Fabinho is quality, but not enough to reject £40M. Otavio and Malcolm are very talented, but no European power is giving €60M for them.

The “Makes sense” category is of players who this truly makes sense. All older players past their primes who have done all they need to do in the European game, and who warrant a final fat paycheck. Mahrez, Hendo, Firmino, Bounou and current ballon D’or holder, Benzema, could have certainly stayed or continued at the highest level for at least one more year, but nobody would criticize them for a final pay day (Except Hendo).

The last category is the concerning. These are players who had much still to give in theory, and would be welcome by many teams in Europes top tiers. Champions league finalists Laporte and Brozovic are only 29 and 30. Their wages not unsubstantial, but for a combined fee of about €50M, you could do far worse. As for the other midfielders? Perennial linked PL stars Milenkovic-Savic and Kessie, could have cost €140m two years ago, now €52m.

High fees and wages in Europe have made certain players only attainable to a few, leaving some players only available to go to who pays them. It’s big money that brings them to a club, and big money being their only financial solution out of the club. Ironically, in some cases that’s both Middle Eastern money.

So all-in-all, not a major amount to be concerned about. In many cases, this has been a rather convenient intervention for big teams. Spiraling wages and teams unable to afford them have long needed a solution, and Saudi may just be that. No club so far as we know seems pressured into a sale. In a years time the landscape will be more set. Will this be a rival or a solution? Or simply a distraction? Will Saudi offer refuge to Europes overpaid stars? Will they entice its brightest?

Time will tell, but I believe there is not much to worry about.Calvino (Unless you’re a LFC fan, there’s definitely a Saudi salesman in Liverpool)

Death of the season ticketThe first home game of this season was very poignant for me, and should be for many others. I’m not sure that everyone’s twigged the significance of the event.

Ahead of the game we were told that for the first time we would not be allowed to use my hard copy season ticket card to gain entry at the turnstiles. We had to use the electronic pass stored in our phones. At The Emirates we’ve had the option to use either for some time, but no more.

For some of the younger football365 readers that won’t mean much, it’s just a sign that football is keeping up with technology. However for me, a long time fan, this is hugely symbolic. For those aren’t as old as me, you won’t appreciate that an old school season ticket was a very tangible item, like owning a magic key, something to cherish. It only came out on match day, never transported un-necessarily for fear of loss or damage.

When I first had one, it was a voucher book, a small pack (pocket size of course) that you took with you to the match and you presented it open at the correct page for the day’s match and the person at the turnstile – yes they were manned – tore off the page voucher then let you in. You couldn’t arrive with just the page as they didn’t want people printing fake ones, you had to bring the book to each match. To the uninitiated it would seem a hassle to carry around but then there weren’t phones in pockets taking up the same space. How my ticket book stayed dry during rainy winter matches when I was soaked through I do not know.

A few years ago things moved to a membership card, which was read electronically at the gate. Easier than the voucher book to carry but still physical.Importantly for Gooners it came in a red wallet, a smaller version of the voucher book, so we could still wave it mockingly at away fans when one of their players was being sent off. I’ll miss those inane moments.

I’m gutted the physical ticket is no longer. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no Luddite. I can do without cash. I don’t mind not sending postcards or birthday cards. I realise the match day programme is on its way out. This feels different though.

It probably hurts more because I kept away match tickets, as proof of visits to other grounds, and concert tickets which are also just about gone too. In future I won’t be collecting those as Mr Benn-like (look it up if you’ve no idea) souvenirs of my travels.

The disappearance of the season ticket is a sign of times that I think needs recognition. It’s been an inherent part of being a fan, part of the club, integral to the match day routine. Having to check it’s there in your pocket or bag, along with your wallet, your keys and your phone.

Here’s to its place in football history, a namecheck as it goes before all we do is look back on it from a distance.

And I think I may buy a red phone case for match days when the opposition go down to ten men.

(….of course, after writing the below this morning, later in the day Fulham have a man sent off and we’re all looking at each other in the North Bank, what do we do now? Cue many hands in the air brandishing invisible season tickets.)TyA

Every cloudThanks Tom for opening my eyes to the non-existence of sports washing. I can now welcome the new Qatari overlords to United with out fear of being seen to overlook their human rights abuses etc, free in the knowledge that no one will ever complain about gracious new owners. They’re just looking to make some money, who isn’t?

But – and this is a big and important but – I’m not sure sportswashing is a portmanteau. Wouldn’t that be Spwashing or something?

Doesn’t matter because it definitely doesn’t exist.Ash (definitely sportscockwaving though) Metcalfe

Mike DeanThe Mike Dean admission is quite frankly astounding. Not that he did it, who doesn’t expect Mike Dean to make the worst possible decision and also shout about it so the whole world can hear? No, the astounding thing is that the PGMOL doesn’t seem to be forced to answer for it. How do we fix them if nobody in power acknowledges that they’re not fit for purpose and should be held to account? Why do managers get fined for saying what everyone’s thinking and everyone can see with their own eyes?

We’re two games into the season as I write this and they’ve shown that they’re still making the same correctable mistakes. Their arbitrary VAR rules allow decisions to stand where everyone who sees them knows a mistake was made. Tomiyasu is still banned for a game because the rules inexplicably say they can’t examine or correct a possible mistake if it’s a certain type of mistake. They’d rather book whichever manager they dislike for the crime of having too many people in a box at the side of a pitch.

Oh, and if you think the Mike Dean situation’s is bad, Lee Mason is back at the PGMOL training referees. Yes, Lee Mason is training other referees. Lee Mason…SC, Belfast

…To have come back from 2-0 down in the first 5 mins to lead against 10 men and still need new underwear, as the clock ticked to the 427th minute of injury time, is a sign that we are not quite capable of winning our trophy back.

There was no control, no putting the ‘pedal to the metal’ City-style, and no alleviating our communal heartburn. But it was good fun to watch us come back as rival fans, no doubt because I have the premature messages to prove it, sat smugly in moist expectation. All made funnier by the Arsenal result, who we naturally face next.

No idea what’s going to happen. Arteta could turn up in a lego ninja costume to wrestle Ten Hag who will be wrapped head-to-toe in Burberry, like an xmas cracker on Danny Dyer’s dinner table. “Try to pull my me apart one more time treacle and I’ll show you who’s about to go off with a bang”. The VAR gets conveniently knocked out with a chair to the bonce, and misses a clear and obvious error, as, somewhere off-camera, Macho Man Randy Savage jumps over a shopping aisle onto an unsuspecting Pep, who feigns surprise at the three-figure-leg-lock-inverted-box-midfield.

As mad as a box of frogs Ted.Garey Vance, MUFC

Football shirts for free, pleaseDear Ed,

Last night, at the end of the Spurs game, as the team applauded their fans, one player took off his shirt (I didn’t catch who) ran over to a small boy at the front of the stands and have him his shirt. He made that kids day, week, month and possibly year.

And it made me think: why doesn’t every team do the same with every game shirt at the end of EVERY game at every stadium?

Surely we’re not to believe the shirts are rounded up and dumped in some officially sponsored washing machine and put through a cycle with a couple of cups of Areil?

It just can’t be the cost of the shirts can it? Can it?? Where the league is spending (and worth billions)?

Even the shirt sponsors could reap a PR goldmine by printing “this match souvenir happily provided by Corp X” under the label on the inside of the shi8. There’s a customer for life!

So why don’t they do it? And what does actually happen to match shirts in the regular anyways?D. O’Connell

READ MORE: Strikers and defensive mids in demand: What every Prem club needs most before transfer deadline…